Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Victor, and I’m from Sustainable
Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) course. I’m writing to formal
introduce myself to you as a student in your Effective Communication class. I
graduated from Republic Polytechnic in 2016 with a Diploma in Renewable Energy
Engineering prior to serve in the National Service for two years. As such, I
made the decision to further my studies in the course mentioned offered by SIT.
In Polytechnic, I learnt about building mechanical
knowledge and the different types of renewable energy available in the world.
Also, I’m taught of how to work in a team with people from different
backgrounds. During my final year project, my teammates and I worked together
to resolve many obstacles and difficulties that came in our way that we were
able to achieve good result for our project. Through all these, I became a
better team player and it helped me to grow in my character.
However, my ability to communicate effectively in front
of a crowd is still lacking. I still have difficulty expressing myself confidently
in public speaking and report writing. English Language has never been my strength
because I’m used to speaking in Mandarin with my family and friends.
As far as a strength, I’m not afraid of speaking up and
sharing in a group setting due to the learning experience I had in polytechnic.
During those days, I had to give a presentation everyday on the related topics
to the lecture and the whole class. This allowed me to understand the
importance of effective oral communication, and I’m glad that I’m able to
practice daily.
Through this module, I hope to improve my standard of
English Language so that I will be able to relay my thoughts and speech better
during public speaking. Communicating effectively in front of a crowd with
confident is my long-term goal and I believed I will have the opportunities to
do it in your classes.
Best regards,
Hi Victor! Thank you for sharing an insightful introduction.
ReplyDeleteThere are some pointers which I feel you could improve on:
- Capitalization Error: "In Polytechnic, I learnt about ...." It is not necessary for polytechnic to start with capital P as the name of your school wasn't mentioned.
- Sentence Structuring: "During my final year project, my teammates and I worked together to resolve many obstacles and difficulties that came in our way that we were able to achieve good result for our project." You could change it to " During my final year project, my teammates and I worked together to resolve obstacles and difficulties thus achieving good results."
Overall, i really enjoyed reading!
Cheers
Bernadine
Hi Victor!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your introduction.Paragraphing is good and the topic sentence in each paragraph is clearly evident. I like your description you wrote for each paragraphs.
However, there is some sentence structures that you can improve on. For an example, in the 2nd paragraph 3rd sentence, you can shorten the sentence or apply fullstop.
In terms of organisation and content, I find it alright.
Overall a good introduction of yourself. We share the same weakness so lets work together to change that to our strength(:
Cheers
Shanah
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Victor,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your sharing in this open letter. It is informative, and generally clear and concise. I like the way you've focused on gaining growth through adversity.
We can do that in terms of language, too. Here are some problem areas to consider:
1. verb use issues
-- I’m taught of how to work in a team with people from different backgrounds. >>> (tense error)
-- prior to serve >>> (wrong form)
-- This allowed me to understand the importance of effective oral communication, and I’m glad that I’m able to practice daily. >>> (tense error) ?
-- I believed I will have the opportunities to do it in your classes. >>> (tense) ?
2. sentence structure
-- (as mentioned by your other readers)
3. phrasing
-- I’m writing to formal introduce myself... >>> (wrong word form)
-- on the related topics to the lecture >>> on topics related to the lecture
-- Through all these, I became a better team player and it helped me to grow in my character. >>> Through all these, I became a better team player, and the epxeriences helped my character to grow.
-- -- with confident >>> (wrong form)
There is also overuse of capital letters throughout the letter.
Despite those issue, this is a decent introduction to who you are. I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Victor,
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting getting to know more about you.
Here are some pointers:
Try not to use short form auxilliary verb such as "I'm" in a formally letter.
Cheers,
Jonathan